Highly Sensitive People – Part Two

"I Can Feel the Room"

One of the sentences I hear most often is:

“I walked into the room, and I immediately knew something had happened.”

This is not magic. Our brains constantly read facial expressions, posture, breathing, tone of voice and countless other non-verbal signals.

Highly sensitive people tend to notice many more of these signals than average.

This ability makes them deeply empathic, but it can also make it difficult to separate other people's emotions from their own.

“People Tell Me I'm Too Sensitive”

Many highly sensitive people grew up hearing:

“You take everything too personally.”

“You need a thicker skin.”

Eventually they begin believing something is wrong with them.

They ignore exhaustion, push through overwhelm and try to live as though their nervous system worked like everyone else's.

Often this leads to anxiety, burnout or chronic stress—not because sensitivity is a problem, but because they spend years fighting against it.

Why Rest Looks Different

Recovery is not a reward.

It is maintenance.

Highly sensitive people need quiet, time alone, nature or simply fewer simultaneous demands because their nervous system has processed an extraordinary amount of information throughout the day.

These are not signs of weakness.

They are ways of respecting how the nervous system works.

You Don't Need to Become Less Sensitive

Your sensitivity is not the problem.

The goal is not to become someone else.

The goal is to understand yourself.

Highly Sensitive People – Part Three

How Psychotherapy Can Help

Therapy is not about becoming less sensitive.

It is about understanding your nervous system, recognising overload earlier, recovering without guilt, creating healthy boundaries and building a life that supports who you are.

Over time many people stop seeing themselves as “too much.”

Instead, they begin to understand themselves with greater compassion.

Sensitivity Is Not a Weakness

High sensitivity is neither a gift nor a curse.

It is simply one way a nervous system can be organised.

When we stop fighting our nature, sensitivity often becomes a source of depth, creativity, empathy and meaningful relationships.

Recommended Reading

• Elaine N. Aron — The Highly Sensitive Person

• Elaine N. Aron — The Highly Sensitive Child

• Ted Zeff — The Highly Sensitive Person's Survival Guide

• Ilse Sand — Highly Sensitive People in an Insensitive World

• Susan Cain — Quiet

One Last Thought

Perhaps you recognised yourself somewhere in these pages.

I hope this article has offered you something more valuable than a label.

I hope it has offered a kinder way of looking at yourself.

After years of working with highly sensitive people—and learning to understand my own sensitive nervous system—I have come to trust this completely:

Sensitivity itself is rarely the problem.

The struggle against it usually is.

Highly Sensitive People: When the World Feels a Little More Intense

Yesterday I spent the entire day doing what I love.

I sat with people for hours, listening to their stories, making sense of difficult experiences together, staying present with grief, hope, joy, fear and uncertainty. Six, sometimes even eight hours of deep conversations. By the end of the day I usually feel tired, but it is the satisfying kind of tiredness that comes from meaningful work.

The next day I get on a tram.

Someone nearby is having a loud phone conversation. Another passenger is wearing a very strong perfume. The lights flicker as we move through the city, the wheels rattle against the tracks, people squeeze in and out at every stop.

Twenty minutes later I step outside feeling as if my nervous system has simply said, “That's enough for today.”

For a long time this seemed completely irrational to me.

Today I know there is nothing irrational about it.

My nervous system simply measures load differently.

I know this not only because I have spent years working as a psychotherapist with highly sensitive clients, but because I live with a highly sensitive nervous system myself.

If any of this sounds familiar, you may be one of the roughly 20% of people who are considered Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs).

Being highly sensitive is not a diagnosis. It is not a mental health disorder. It is an inborn temperament trait known in psychology as Sensory Processing Sensitivity.

What Does It Mean to Be Highly Sensitive?

People often assume that high sensitivity simply means being emotional.

The differences begin much earlier—with the way the nervous system receives and processes information.

Research suggests that people high in Sensory Processing Sensitivity process incoming information more deeply than average. This means sounds, smells, light, facial expressions and emotions require more processing and therefore more energy.

That deeper processing has obvious advantages. It also asks much more of the nervous system.

When the World Becomes Too Much

Many highly sensitive people cope remarkably well with emotionally meaningful experiences.

What often overwhelms them is sensory overload.

Bright lights. Strong smells. Constant background noise. Crowded spaces. Multiple conversations happening at once.

None of these experiences seems dramatic on its own, yet together they can leave the nervous system exhausted.

A climbing wall is an artificially constructed wall with grips for hands and feet, usually used for indoor climbing, but sometimes located outdoors. Some are brick or wooden constructions, but on most modern walls, the material most often used is a thick multiplex board with holes drilled into it.

Recently, manufactured steel and aluminum have also been used. The wall may have places to attach belay ropes, but may also be used to practise lead climbing or bouldering. Each hole contains a specially formed t-nut to allow modular climbing holds to be screwed onto the wall. With manufactured steel or aluminum walls, an engineered industrial fastener is used to secure climbing holds. The face of the multiplex board climbing surface is covered with textured products including concrete and paint or polyurethane loaded with sand. In addition to the textured surface and hand holds, the wall may contain surface structures such as indentions (incuts) and protrusions (bulges), or take the form of an overhang, underhang or crack. Some grips are formed to mimic the conditions of outdoor rock, including some that are oversized and can have other grips bolted onto them.

Вчера вы спокойно провели целый день на любимой работе.

Сегодня сели в трамвай. Кто‑то громко разговаривает по телефону. Рядом стоит человек, который явно перестарался с духами. Через двадцать минут вы выходите с ощущением, будто сил не осталось совсем.

Странно, правда?

Особенно если еще вчера вы несколько часов подряд прекрасно чувствовали себя среди людей.

Для высокочувствительного человека это совсем не редкость.

Я знаю это не только как психотерапевт, который много лет работает с высокочувствительными людьми. Я знаю это и по собственному опыту.

Я могу провести шесть или восемь часов подряд в кабинете, слушая людей, оставаясь рядом с их болью, радостью, тревогой и надеждой. Это глубокая эмоциональная работа, после которой я обычно чувствую приятную усталость и удовлетворение.

А потом могу сесть в трамвай, где кто‑то громко разговаривает по телефону, рядом окажется человек с очень сильным запахом духов, за окном будут мигать огни, а вагон — дребезжать на рельсах. И именно после этих двадцати минут моя нервная система скажет: «На сегодня достаточно».

Когда впервые замечаешь такие особенности, легко решить, что с тобой что‑то не так. На самом деле чаще всего дело не в слабости характера и не в чрезмерной эмоциональности. Дело в том, как устроена нервная система.

Высокочувствительный человек (Highly Sensitive Person) — это не диагноз, не психическое расстройство и не особый тип личности. Это врожденная особенность обработки информации нервной системой, которая встречается примерно у 20% людей.

Что происходит в мозге?

Наш мозг постоянно фильтрует информацию. У высокочувствительных людей этот фильтр работает немного иначе: нервная система замечает больше нюансов и глубже их обрабатывает. Исследования показывают различия в работе нейронных сетей, связанных с вниманием, обработкой сенсорной информации, эмпатией и осмыслением переживаний. Речь идет не о «другом мозге», а об особенностях обработки информации.

Поэтому высокая чувствительность проявляется не только в эмоциях. Она касается звуков, запахов, света, прикосновений, интонаций, выражений лица, атмосферы в помещении и собственных внутренних переживаний.

Почему высокочувствительные люди быстрее устают?

Усталость зависит не только от количества дел, но и от количества информации, которую пришлось обработать нервной системе. Именно поэтому тишина, возможность побыть одному и восстановиться — не роскошь, а необходимая часть заботы о себе.

Чем помогает психотерапия?

Мы не пытаемся сделать человека менее чувствительным. Цель терапии — лучше понимать свою нервную систему, раньше замечать перегрузку, восстанавливаться без чувства вины, выстраивать здоровые границы и создавать жизнь, которая подходит именно вам.

Высокая чувствительность — это не подарок и не проклятие. Это особенность нервной системы. В благоприятных условиях она становится источником глубины, творчества, эмпатии и способности строить близкие отношения. В условиях хронического стресса — причиной перегрузки и истощения.

Цель терапии — не изменить человека, а помочь ему перестать жить в постоянной борьбе с собой.

• Элейн Арон — Сверхчувствительная натура.

• Элейн Арон — Сверхчувствительный ребенок.

• Ильсе Санд — Близко к сердцу. Как жить, если вы слишком чувствительный человек.

• Тед Зефф — Сверхчувствительные люди. От трудностей к преимуществам.

• Сьюзан Кейн — Интроверты. Как использовать особенности своего характера.